I understand that everything takes time and patience and even a time of healing. I am currently going through all of that and I am wondering what for and for how long. As a new Christian, I have lots of questions. Some of these questions already have answers, others I am still waiting on. Since surrendering to God, I honestly thought that I wouldn't have to wait so long to get started on whatever ministry He may have for me. Afterall, I hear people say all the time that God has a big ministry for me. So where is it and what is it? This is where I find myself neck deep in the patience and time of healing. After all, I have put my body and soul through a lot of physical and spiritual abuse.
I completely understand that I have to heal and get rid of the demons that used to hang onto me and sucking the life out of me. Unfortunately, not all demons will flee my body willingly after being saved. I had to repent and rebuke a LOT of demons during my deliverance counseling and there was a couple of sessions where they retaliated some physical harm upon my body. Some of you reading this may not agree with deliverance counseling, but how many of you have ever done some deep witchcraft? I'm guessing not many of you have even considered it, I am happy for you. I did, because I was good at it and it is NOT of God.
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
Since being saved, I have patiently waited through this time of healing to still sit here and ponder what God's purpose or plan for me might be. I can only pray that I will have the faith to get through this time and not lose my fire for God. Maybe my faith is being tested. I'm almost certain that God is testing my faith and patience at the same time. He does not want me running ahead of Him unprepared for what He has planned of me, nor does He want me running headfirst into a snare that may be set by the enemy. He knows I am still weak to my addictions, hence the term recovering addict. I never thought I would be a recovering addict, because I never considered myself an addict. I thought I was handling my "addictions" pretty darn good and could quit any time I wanted to. Fact is, I suck at quitting things that are bad for me, so God literally took my addictions from me and is secluding me for my time of healing. I don't mind the seclusion, it's the dealing with cravings that are torture.
It's also not fun dealing with all the negative thoughts that enter my head, like: Am I ever going to be used by God? I hope I'm not going to be healed till death and not used by God! Even if I may need all that healing, I want to feel like I am being useful to the Kingdom. Through my counseling, I have learned that the negative thoughts are NOT FROM GOD BUT THE ENEMY! I may not be strong enough to sling a sword around, but I have a mouth big enough to speak truth against the enemy...as soon as I am equipped with the memory of the verses I will need to remember while speaking truth.
The one thing I have learned is that I get my answers while I am writing or listening to music. My answers from God may not be immediate, but I do get my answers.
Father God, ruler of the universe, I thank you for saving me and for this time of healing. I thank you that you answer me, even though I do not hear your voice. I thank you so much for pulling me away from my addictions and doing the bidding of the enemy. Father, I thank you that you are the ONE I can rely on not to change. I thank you for having strict rules and loving arms. Father, I ask that you continue to work on me and through me. I ask that you keep me filled with patience as you fill me more with the Holy Spirit and knowledge that I will need when it comes my time to fight. I thank you for what you have done and what you will do. In Jesus Name, Amen
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